Let’s be honest: the idea of meditating sounds fantastic, like achieving enlightenment while sitting cross-legged on a mountain, or at the very least, finding your car keys without swearing. But if you’re cruising past 40 (or, like me, barreling enthusiastically into “where did my metabolism go?” territory), the very concept of “quieting your mind” is enough to make that same mind snort derisively and reach for the remote.
Still, I’m determined to become a more serene, centered version of myself (or at least someone whose left eyelid doesn’t twitch during staff meetings). So, I decided to give meditation a try.
But, as I quickly discovered, there’s one major obstacle to inner peace: my Brain, who, as it turns out, is a bit of an ass.
The Conversation
“Something’s gotta change, Brain,” I mutter, staring out the sun-dappled window.
“What do you have in mind?” Brain replies, eyes half-closed in bored curiosity.
I spin my chair slowly, like a kid testing out a merry-go-round. I’m a little nervous to bring it up. Brain can be a condescending know-it-all.
“I know you’ve heard about the benefits of meditation, especially in midlife,” I say. “We’re over 40, and something still feels… off. Maybe we need mindfulness. Maybe we need meditation.”
Brain smirks. “And what brought you to this conclusion, Oh-genius-one?”
I take a breath, bracing for Brain’s sarcasm. “I’m tired, Brain. My thoughts tangle themselves. I worry constantly, and I’m exhausted, but I’m not getting anywhere.”
“You’re doing just fine,” Brain shrugs. “But if you want to waste time sitting in silence, go for it.”
I glare. Of course you wouldn’t care, I think.
The Preparation Phase
Me: All right, Brain. We’re going to meditate. It’s life-changing stuff: stress reduction, better sleep, improved focus.
Brain: Is there coffee involved? Or, even better, a nap?
Me: No, Brain. Meditation is about being awake, but quietly.
Brain: So… like pretending to listen during a boring webinar?
Me: Kind of, but with better posture.
Brain: Fine. Proceed.
Setting the Scene
I set up a calm, serene environment: soft lighting, minimal distractions, and a “vintage” throw pillow (don’t look too closely at that stain). Gentle whale sounds play in the background.
Brain: Is that a humpback whale, or did your stomach just remind you it’s lunchtime?
Me: Ignore the stomach. Focus on the moment.
Brain: Speaking of lunch, are there leftovers in the fridge?
Me: Not now, Brain.
The Posture Problem
I sit cross-legged, hands resting on my knees, trying to look as calm and composed as the serene meditators on YouTube.
Brain: Your left leg will fall asleep, and your right foot will cramp in three minutes.
Me: Mind over matter, Brain. I am a mountain. I am serene. I am…wait, did my hip just pop?
Brain: That’s the sound of turning 50. Carry on.
Focusing on the Breath
Me: Just follow the breath. In… and out. In… and out.
Brain: So, we’re just sitting here? Breathing?
Me: Yes, Brain. That’s literally it.
Brain: All these years, and inner peace boils down to “air in, air out”? Could’ve saved us a fortune on self-help books.
Me: Focus, Brain.
Brain: Inhale. Exhale. Inhale. Exhale. Did you lock the car?
Me: I… think so?
Brain: You should check. What if someone steals the emergency granola bars from the glove box?
Me: Back to the breath.
Brain: Also, remember that embarrassing thing you said in 1997?
Me: I’m trying not to.
Brain: You’re welcome.
The Monkey Mind Unleashed
Thoughts swirl in like an overenthusiastic parade:
What’s for dinner? Why do my knees sound like bubble wrap? Did I send that email? Are we out of toilet paper? Why is the neighbor’s dog barking again?
I remind myself: Thoughts will come. Observe them without judgment. Let them pass like clouds.
Brain: Like how you observe dust on the TV and decide to ignore it for six months?
Me: Exactly, Brain. Let the thoughts float by.
Brain: Did you know the average person breathes 20,000 times a day? That’s a lot of opportunities for improvement. Or overthinking.
Me: Breathe in. Breathe out.
The Epiphany (Sort Of)
Maybe meditation isn’t about having no thoughts. Maybe it’s about not getting tangled in them.
Brain: Like scrolling Facebook but not reading the comments?
Me: Actually, that’s a pretty good analogy.
Brain: I’m here all week.
I realize the point isn’t to be perfect. It’s to show up, sit down, and keep trying, even if your mind wanders to grocery lists, 90s sitcom theme songs, and leftover lasagna.
The Aftermath
Me: Well, Brain, we did it. We sat, we breathed, we survived. How do you feel?
Brain: Honestly? That was the longest six minutes of my life.
Me: It wasn’t that bad.
Brain: We could have been eating leftover lasagna. Or doomscrolling. Or reorganizing the spice rack alphabetically again while pretending to be productive.
Me: But we’re calmer now, right?
Brain: Debatable. I’m calmer, but also very aware that my left foot is asleep, and now I’m hungry. And bored. And still thinking about that embarrassing thing from 1997.
Me: It’s a start.
Brain: If by “start” you mean your new hobby of sitting quietly while I provide a never-ending highlight reel of your regrets, then yes. Great start.
Me: Are we going to try this again tomorrow?
Brain: Sigh. Fine. But can we at least light a candle next time so I have something to judge while you pretend to be a peaceful mountain?
Me: Deal. Maybe tomorrow we’ll make it to seven minutes before spiraling into a snack-based existential crisis.
Brain: Aim high, my friend. Aim high.
Tips for Fellow Midlife Meditators
✅ Forget perfection. Your brain will wander. That’s okay. Gently bring your attention back each time.
✅ Comfort matters. Sit in a chair if cross-legged hurts. You’re meditating, not auditioning for Cirque du Soleil.
✅ Start small. Even a few minutes counts. Try while your coffee brews.
✅ Laugh. Your wandering thoughts are part of the ride, not a failure.
✅ Use guided meditations. Apps, YouTube, or that one friend who’s always talking about “chakra alignment” can help.
✅ Celebrate effort. Showing up is the win, not sitting like a statue.
Conclusion
Meditation after 40 isn’t about becoming a Zen master overnight. It’s about making a tiny bit of peace with the circus in your head, one breath (and one eye twitch) at a time.
Brain: Tiny being the keyword here.
It’s about giving yourself a few minutes to sit down and breathe, even if your mind keeps tossing you grocery lists, regrets from 1997, and arguments you wish you’d won.
Brain: Also, don’t forget snack cravings. Those are important.
To my fellow midlifers: if you’ve ever thought, “My mind is way too busy for this,” trust me, you are in very good, overthinking company.
Brain: The best company, actually.
Now, if you’ll excuse me, my Brain and I have a date with some leftover lasagna, and maybe, just maybe, a few mindful breaths before dessert. Or at least before we wander into the kitchen for another snack while thinking about tomorrow’s meditation attempt.
Brain: Don’t worry, I’ll bring the commentary.
Have you tried meditating for the first time? I’d love to hear how it went (chaos, calm, or a little of both). Share your experience below!
Daily Wonder 
Leave a comment